I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
lets put it this way..we'd win on tool academy
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
I just hip-checked Santa and stole his cab.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
