The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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