i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
When I die, I want you to spread my ashes at a Cracker Barrel.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
Randomize
