and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
His ankle bracelet only gets in the way when I'm trying to take off his pants.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I kind of drew a blank when the doctor asked me how I got super glue up my nose.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Get drunk. Masturbate to his picture. Fall asleep. Repeat. Fuck summer.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
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