Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
Thank God they found balloon boy, I was afraid that Michael Jackson was ordering take out from heaven.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
It's official. 2011 is the year of sport fucking
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
Just had a smooth transition from sexting to buffalo chicken dip 😂😂😂
Your skills amaze me
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