Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
Somewhere between yelling how am I gonna make it to my flight and more titie shots I stopped caring
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
We just stood there eating chocolate chip pancakes, watching you sleep on the bathroom floor.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Randomize
