Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
