We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
Starting drinking whiskey at eight. Already had ten girls looking up my kilt to make sure I'm wearing it right.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Where are you?! I require drunk, males and possibly crying. Vomiting is optional and/or optimal as is karaoke.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I did the walk of shame in nothing but a sleeping bag and now I'm on my way to pick up plan B. Let's not make a habit of this.
Sounds like a good New Years
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
