It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
I have to choose between charging my phone or my vibrator. This is bullshit.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
