I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
He goes "hi, free today?" WHEN AM I EVER FREE ON A SATURDAY, I GOT HUNGOVER TO BE AND DRUNK TO GET.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Randomize
