addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
The only way to make beer can wizard staffs any better is to sew your own wizards robe and hat to go along with it. welcome to tuesday nights at my new apartment
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
I walked into her room to find her sitting on the end of her bed with her heads in her hands talking to herself. She kept muttering things like "What? How? No. What? I don't --- How?" $10 says she's pregnant.
I'll see to your $10 and raise you $40.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
