why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
Is it creepy to message a girl and say you had me at stocked liquor cabinet?
Her brother is deaf.
no wonder she was so good with her hands
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just went into a strangers house to have a spoonful of sugar to cure my hiccups, wtf is wrong with me
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
it's always good to have a friend that's a hairdresser, a massage therapist, maybe throw in a lawyer just in case, and always have a friend on food stamps
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
Randomize
