I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
I think i got my first booty call. it was like she came to my house. sex. leave.
Congratulations. Welcome to the wonderful world of quick dirty secret sexy time.
thanks... i think. haha
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
