I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
