Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
IDK DUDE BUT HE TIED IT WITH A SHOELACE SO I GOTTA FREE SHOELACE OUTTA THE DEAL. THIS GIVES A NEW MEANING TO LACED DRUGS
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
