Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I really don't think there's anything more liberating than farting.in a loud bar where no one.can.hear you
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
It's not "nice." It's the supermodel of dicks.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
Yes. I had to slow down my handjob so he would last...-and I give shitty handjobs to begin with
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