I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
In other news, last night I told somebody they made eczema look so good they should call it sexzema.
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Why the fuck was I face down on the floor with you mounting me like a horse anyway? I'm so confused
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