My balls are so social today.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Did strip banana grams actually happen last night
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
wtf guys I thought we agreed on no more knives. So much for not destroying the house
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
