You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Where else am I to apply my creativity?
I don't know. Anywhere productive and not involving sex toys would be a start.
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
I would ride that face into the sunset
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
You don't understand. This boy has the Mona Lisa of cocks.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
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