well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
it's like iHOP with fire
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Apparently, I showed up wrapped in caution tape and immediately jumped on the stripper pole and started making very sexual gestures at the birthday girl. We lasted ten minutes.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
just had an acid flashback in my therapist's office. i am a walking stereotype
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