Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
stopped you just in time from sledding down the roof.
So, do you think I should wash the ashes off of my forehead before going to the strip club?
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'll take "things you shouldn't say to a guy you just met in a bar" for 100!
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
MY GOD DAMN TV STOPS WORKING EVERY TIME I AM THIS FUCKING HIGH. WHY MUST IT TORMENT ME?!
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
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