U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
