I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He came all over her clothes we have to leave
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize
