Don't you send me to vm
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
