There is somethin about your sexuality that makes my dick do jumping jacks when I see you
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
I may also break bread with strippers. Because it is passover.
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
I ate pizza in bed, sans pants, and then carved a pumpkin. FUNCTIONING ADULT MOTHERFUCKERS!
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
They think I fractured my spine while doing your cousin on concrete.
Randomize
