Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
if we break up, who will get the dealer?
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Bisexual Viking-cowboy hybrid is at the bar again
Dibsssss
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
