once we finished he held up the condom and asked if i wanted to keep it as a souvenir.
oh and he was serious.
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
What's an appropriate outfit for wearing to hangout with a girl you've talked to once, and had a 4way with?
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I don’t care how cute or big a guy is I’m done with drunken hand jobs. It was like I was pulling a nine inch bungee cord for 25 minutes. Now My arm and shoulder is dead
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize
