Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
Rebecca hasn't has this number in 3 months. Please tell all her friends to stop calling at 3 am. We are not interested in buying or selling drugs nor do we want to hook up with anyone. You all need to go to rehab.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
Randomize
