You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
I'll be there in a few.
I'M COUNTING TO FEW.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Whats a little naked between friends. Just don't laugh or I'll be scared for life.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Randomize
