She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I feel like I should have held a press conference. The state of my vagina
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
If your talking about a poncho I WANT ONE
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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