For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Met a beautiful Irishman two nights in a row. I may never come back.
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
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