I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
