pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
