I just saw a hot homeless man
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
i just overheard someone saying that they invented the 'tequila mockingbird' last night. sorry, but i found better friends
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
Yea it's a sex scar. But if anyone asks I tripped up carpeted stairs
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I gave him a bunch of ideas to use to spice up their sex life. Say what you will, I am the best 'other' woman ever!
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
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