I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
We just took an Eskimo family picture.. It's pretty cute honestly
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
