Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Randomize
