Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
Her tattoo has the intellectual profundity of snakes on a plane except you can't laugh.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
Now everytime I sit on a toilet I think about having sex with him. Great.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Randomize
