now everythime i write "i'm" in my phone my tap9 spells out "i'm-never-drinking-again". It's trying to remind me
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
Randomize
