I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
Randomize
