Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
What does puking wasabi feel like?
Like snorting cocaine backwards.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
All I've done today is nap, eat candy and get off from my vibrator. I didn't know it was possible to be THIS single.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
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