just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
He told me he needed "space" but then goes and likes my insta of panacakes.. Done.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
Randomize
