First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
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