So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Making jello shots drunk, i apologize ahead of time if they are too strong Can't taste anything.
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
