He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
Welp...herpes.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
I need a beard to bite.
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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