How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
I'm 99% sure that for 3 hours I thought you were British. We must smoke that again.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
If there's one thing i learned from edward 40hands is that i couldnt handle life with bottles for hands
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I will be the DD but everyone has to call me Mistress
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Randomize
