Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Do you remember calling me and dedicating a shot to me?
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
Randomize
