Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
well it was naive of you to actually think you're the only bday sex he had lined up for him today. I'm just suprised he actually had a line forming outside of his room
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
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