at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Even the paramedic said "what a way to kill a party"
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
He tried to introduce me to one of his friends that kept looking at me and I said "OH NO! I can't do this shit anymore!!" It was like I had a vision of what drunk me would've done in about 20 minutes.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
