Well i threw up in my mouth a few times. But i successfully swallowed it. Still going strong.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
The bet was for naked jumping jacks. And it back fired, she just laughed at all the slapping noise.
I'm hungover during 4th grade graduation practice. I AM THEIR FUTURE.
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
