I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
i just google imaged poop.
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I think we should boobie trap our beer this time using duct tape, rubber bands, seran wrap, and urine. Trust me I have a plan and it will work.
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
I feel like you guys are talking about real things and have real problems and I'm just over here like 'should I take muscle relaxers or get drunk tonight?'
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
