p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she must've caught on when i went out for a "run" in jeans and a sweatshirt and came back holding a McDonalds bag and smelling like pot.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Had a farmer come into my class to talk to us today. He apparently met his wife on fb and just thanked jesus for his land. I think I am in the wrong major...
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
She's popping painkillers like they're tic tacs and singing the soundtrack to dreamgirls. It's you're turn to babysit her.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
We left the knife in your bed.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
we told the drug dealer that our car was dead and we needed a jump so he would bring the drugs to us...
Randomize
