I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
i'm forwarding you the dirty picture of that fat girl that likes me sent . i feel like since youre my best friend you should puke in your mouth too .
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
he probably thinks i inited him over to have sex but really i just want to show him 90's music videos
The room got awkwardly silent right as i yelled "leave him alone! I know plenty of straight guys who like to suck dick!"
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